Self-compassion is such a key factor in resilience, growth and change. People often mistake self-compassion for lack of accountability and in fact it’s a very necessary ingredient to holding ourselves accountable.

When we are compassionate with ourselves, we can see ourselves as human, turn toward our pain and mistakes with gentleness, and only then can we truly accept and change. Without compassion we cannot tolerate looking at our own mistakes and behaviors honestly, so we instead vacillate wildly between accepting no role in our hardships and beating ourselves up. This makes it very tough to integrate our experiences and truly learn from them.

Experiment with this route instead. Speak to yourself like you would a loved one and remember that you are human. A human with flaws, agency, empowerment, capacity for growth and change, and are worthy of love, belonging, and grace.